Failure and Hope

So I’m eighteen, I don’t have my license, and in four months I’m off to my first semester in college. This prospect thoroughly aggravates me and perpetually annoys me. Today, I woke up with hope that I would be freed at last from my loserdom of not being able to drive. I went to take my driving test after having postponed it long enough. I had waited until my learner’s permit had one day until it expired. I was nervous beyond belief. I hadn’t had the appropriate amount of practice I needed and was ill prepared.
It started off rather well, I thought, while going through checking the vehicle’s lights and windshield wipers and such. But that’s where it ended. As I was pulling out of my parking space, I neglected to check behind me appropriately and the officer called me out on it. He had me drive through a nearby residential area with narrow roads. It was there where things really turned sour and I realized I wouldn’t pass my test. I didn’t look where I should have and did not stop soon enough for stop signs. This happened multiple times. On the drive back to the local DMV, I was angry and felt like bursting into tears and screaming. Which I did after after I left the DMV (minus the crying). I had failed.
Failure has always been something I have had trouble dealing with, despite my generally low self standards for adequacy. I felt weak and not in control of my life. I was a little kid that hadn’t lived up to his parent’s expectations. I felt as though my requirements for official adulthood had not been met and furthermore pushed away from reaching my goals. I knew I had not only disappointed my parents but myself. I was a complete failure in my mind because of one thing.
Just one little thing.
As I was moping around, I realized something. It started out as a tiny little thought amidst my self pity. I was dwelling on my percieved lack of control over my life, searching for something I had control over and had the ability to change. What I realized was this:
I have more control over my own situation than anyone else does.
I started to list off all the things I had control over. A few things were music, writing, my outlook on life, etc. The list continued to grow from those simple fetal thoughts into a beautiful, shining, living, breathing beacon of hope. I began to realize that this was a minor hiccup on my pathway to success. I could still take the written test very soon and come back after a month and take the driving test again. I could come back ten times better, I just have to put forth the effort to change my situation for the best. It’s just another chance to grow and learn and succeed. If I hadn’t have failed today I might not have been able to know what I do now. I just had to take a step back to examine my faults. I can honestly say now that in a strange, but wonderful, way I appreciate my failures and the chance to pick myself up and come back stronger than I was before. It’s all about perspective, and we all have the ability to change that. 🙂
Later.